Anonymous

Say my name again
It sends shivers down my spine
igniting a heat in my eyes
exploding a secret in my heart
each step forward is a life time apart
and I don't think I can take this
Your tension rocks my world

Jane Eyre 3

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On my knees I beg
Nothing left to my name I beg
Sweet baked scents sting my throat I beg
Tripping ripping ragged clothing I beg
Sloppy slurpy lukewarm leftovers I beg
Torturous hunger and starvation I beg
Slowly losing my sanity I beg
Reaching out to God I beg
Bleeding and blistering I beg
Crying to the skies I beg
Moaning his name I beg
Falling to the floor I beg
Needing more I beg
Finally dying I beg
The end…
I can’t beg
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Workity Work

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It's reached that time again when assignments are due in, every ones feeling the strain, time is limited and so on so forth. So I've reached this nocturnal state that kind of comes with working through the nights to get shit done.
So I'm sitting here, been awake an hour or two and its already dark outside, can't remember when I last ate, unless you're counting pro plus as a good meal in which case I've been having a regular 2 pill meal over the last few days, aaaaaaaaaaand... everything else is a bit of a blur.
So why do universities do this to us? mass deadlines, big levels of work? They say the suicide rate for students is shockingly high, so why offer such a big temptation? With the amount of sweet pro plus energy running through my veins.. hey you never know, I might get over excited and jump out the window or something! It's silly, more time, less deadlines please!
aaand that's enough procrastination from me
BACK TO WORK
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Still You

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I'm crawling in a hole
I'm dark and so secluded
Waiting for your call
You won't fix this
Maybe you don't need this
My heart has cracked in two
I'm relentless but I'm dying
My soul feels tied to you
This is ending
But not your ending
I can't feel you
Don't hide in the dark
I'm waiting
Always waiting
Please just call
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You

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Hold me I'm crying
I don't want to loose you
Somethings in the air
Somethings growing
Please hold me near
I miss you I need you
That smile is broken
I'll wait up
I'll pause.

Please don't let me down
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Lost Without You

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I'm spinning I'm falling
Downward I glide
The floor feels 1000 feet up
But downward I glide
Never stopping never pausing
My heart is in the air
Lost in my obsession
I'm gliding through the air
Down Down Down
You're pushing and I'm falling
Down Down Down
No stopping where I'm going
I'm going down
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Fail

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Some things really just don't make sense to me. Why the most destructive, wrong things linger in our minds for so damn long, yet all the important things just filter away as if they're nothing, just useless fragments we don't need. Then sometimes we know the important things, but the moment one of those destructive, wrong thoughts is punctured back into your mind, you just freeze up and forget.

I took an in class assessment today, I was so prepared and confident inside, maybe that was my downfall. Even when I saw my choice of questions I felt cockily smug. The extract I knew inside out, smug, smug, smug, right? It's just that point, that heart breaking point that you stumble across from time to time and your heart just drops. He fell. Septimus jumped from the window and fell down and was impaled on the rusty iron fencing, leaving just the dark thumping in his head. Reading this extract so many things in my head started falling, everything bad in life is a fall. Then I remembered it all and it was game over.

I wrote and wrote and wrote, I kind of fooled myself into thinking I had it all down, but inside it was my head going thump, thump, thump, completely blank and dark.

I guess we all have bad memories or demons that catch up with us at the worst possible moments, it's just another hurdle life's going to throw at us. Life's a bitch. These bad memories or thoughts ain't going to pass while they're still bad and fresh feeling in our minds, we've just got to wait for them to ease.

Then some demons, will just go on and on and on.
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Jane Eyre 2

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His names entwined in this traitorous web of emotions
Hidden and enclosed to my heart and memory
I close my eyes and turn to darkness and solitude
But my dreams are deceitful and his eyes pierce them
I hold back my sobs as dawn comes and his loving eyes fade
Dooming me to wonder heart chilled and controlled
Hiding the burning passions simmering within
Extinguishing the smouldering flame in my eye
And putting a stopper to the madness for which I long
My sense pleads that I drop this insane charade
But my heart swears allegiance to his kindness
Binds my need to the warmth in his words
And forever holds me to walk a fool’s fantasy across the halls
Night by night, dream by dream, fantasy by fantasy
I close this lock upon my thundering heart and leave it for him
Only to be unlocked for death or for miracle
That maybe one day his heart will beat the same tune
That maybe my master will love me too

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Here With You

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I'm fighting time, theres too much to say
I've prayed to God we'll last forever
spilling to the sun, embraced in icy moon
forever I'll stand and wait for you

Clinging tight, I'm breaking through
I'm stopping time just to speak to you
my caressing words, our lips embrace
and forever Ill exist for you

standing tall, I'm leaning out
feeling the wind run me through
I'm solitary but not alone
Inside I'm holding you

I'm fighting time, theres too much to do
I've prayed to God we'll love forever
spilling to our hearts, embraced in our truth
forever I'll stand right here with you

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Close my eyes

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I close my eyes and lay it to rest
the cold icey fields, our feet once caressed
the clear crisp sky, and cool sharp air
the taste and the feeling, of our last memory there

the passion and torture we once consumed
our heatfelt silent pact, for our friendship to bloom
the sickness and confusion, banished to dust
we'd dance through the night, welcoming the lust

careless and young our word stood true
but today I see nothing, the day's dawned a new
lost and to be hidden, something we can't undo
but happy I can stand, and remember those days with you

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truth

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spirits soar from homeland they come
twisting and wreathing they breathe and come
screaming in agony they fail to launch
reaching and hoping from beyond they come

hearts and daggers the only words
truer than life, truer than truth
spinning dangerously over the edge
clinging and weeping they come

pain is a bond stronger than love
forces are weakened for what has begun
sliding and slipping the ice is thin
but they cling on and soon they come

souls are splintered and never whole
they crave affection and they crave to hold
silent pleas and sanity unassured
spirits are crying and on they come

final conflict tears and wrecks
splinters are splintered at words regret
truth is spilt and a pact formed
truth was late and the end had come.
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Cut the strings

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Falling apart my body suffers

coldness reaches my soul and I feint

Destroyed and forgotten I slide and wait

But nothing will come and I cannot be saved

Some days I feel haunted

I remember all the things that were and they ride me

I am controlled and contorted by my creators

My friends and my loves who made me strong

now I am their puppet show

A smileless jester who lost her voice to moan

I will go where the strings take me

Play my part and then let go

Like a stage prop after the finale

I will burn..

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Jane Eyre

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I feel my words coming to an end

My feelings have slowly bled draining all emotion from my frail body

There’s a chill spreading from my fingers zeroing in on my pounding chest

A numbness taking siege marching through my veins

My face is wet but how can there be more tears to spill?

Where would they come from in this empty void?

There’s a sharp shrill ringing in the air filling my ears

Bouncing across my brain and shutting down these thoughts

This door I am stricken against will be my tomb

No movement can be achieved from these blistered soles

No hope can be gained from my slowing heart

I open my mouth but I can only moan

Slipping to the floor my body is shutting down

My eyes glaze over and the world becomes dark

There are no words.

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We'll See

I don't know where to go poetry wise. I mean, I guess it has to be a comon feeling for people who write, they call it mind block. But the worst thing for me is, I know exactly what I want to write about. There's so much crammed into my head that I feel like I might just explode at any moment. Surely now I should be at my most creative? right now while I'm so vulnerable?
I want someone to listen to me, not see right thought me. I want someone here who really really gives a shit. It stings when you've been friends with someone so long that when your words bounce off their skull you're not suprised but there's no one else out there you want to tell. For what its worth I know people try. But what is it worth? really? I feel like I'm losing them, slowly, gradually. We'll see.

This is Enough

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Insecurity fills my eyes

my tears coat the floor

you couldnt meet my eye

I was falling away

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I packed up my bags

I left a mess

you never called me

You left regret

.

We never spoke

words wouldn't work

feeling so numb

but nothing remained

.

Maybe I'll forget

maybe you'll regret

maybe we'll return

Maybe baby this is enough

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Become

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Now held and wanted

These warm arms entice

Feeling the heart beat

Breathing the same air

Love and trust begins me

Comfort and safety shields

friendship pure and strong

sisterly affection is what i show you

and family we've long become

Desire and passion hidden

thoughts and dreams gone loose

love becomes a shadow

The cloak becomes a noose

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Somewhere between Monday and Tuesday

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Stretched and worn the day closes

Warm desires for rest wash over

Picturing closing my eyes and sleep

Only dreaming can find peace

Your face undoes the desire

Your words spark a familiar flare

Soothing, comforting conversation

My heart beats steady

My soul settles down

Passion hits the throat and we speak

Agreement and understanding floods through

Gently home sets down around us

Work forgotten and fears put aside

We are warm in our words

Friendly our hearts desire

I can rest

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Alive

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I have scars and blood and flesh
I know the score of life
the mirror was never hidden from view
I feel the disgrace you grow

weakness isnt a cut
the skin is torn and i bleed it
who cares for the reason
I watch beauty divide

I never hated your battle scars
for me? I have none
don't hold my wrists and scream
I'm just living, I feel alive

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Neglect

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My body feels so old and stretched

my feet have wondered a million worlds

and my thoughts have climbed the highest montains

nothing ever came easy

I could never hold my nerve

when everyone stumbled I leaned with them

the stress and strain of so many words stung

so much terror and despute to remember

and not enough smiles to reflect on

i remember breaking in over stone walls

running as the sirens chased

rebellion was tattooed through our hearts

and the adrenaline to escape began

explosions followed our path

political reason became more flawed

there were strikes and there was hardship

my generation because the greatest victims of this broken nation

rare happiness hit long nights

chemically enhanced dreams made us mean

so much violence from where we came

others killed others

while in our bottles we drowned

i speak of broken times

of forgotten morals and enraged fools

where the upbringing was forgotten

while parents sat transfixed with the news

i watched young lives end themselves

while younger tried to vote

the strain of life upon their shoulders

matured and aged against the clock

since when have children behaved so old?

have they always held the need to die?

or carry babies when they remain babes

and hold thier own in thier premature lives?

like the fates stroking the threads of time

I look back over the 18 notches of mine

i feel so old and time feels slow

how did i manage to grow so old?

modern years are like toxic air

how do we breath on abuse and poisen?

so much happens and you all forget

you're troubled youth you have learnt to neglect

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Begin Again

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My tears flow through this

endless stream, reminding

me of how things have been.

Nothing lasted and I felt little

gain to how my heart wept

betraying what was mine. I

could utter a thousand willing

words in hope of completeing

my world, but in truth I just

open old wounds and the

regret remains all mine.

I long to begin again...

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Rotten

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I bit into the fruit, Through the flesh.

The juice was rotten, I confess.

Another habbit, over obsessed,

A childhood love thing

I won't forget

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Searching

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I've been wondering in circles

only to end up at the start

I've been lost in your eyes too many times

and now you've left me in the dark

You said you always loved me

You said it from the start

but as our time spirals away

I still don't claim your heart

Cos I'm still searching for you

Cos I'm still reaching for you

Because I'm still crying, lying, dying..

Just to be with you

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Facebook

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I have now set up myself a little facebook page so I can directly feed people onto my blogger rather than wait for people to stumble upon it! I'm hoping now I'll start getting bits of feedback and comments. I plan on continuing to post up all my work so far and then I will start posting once a day and feeding it onto facebook as it comes to me!

blah blah blah blah blah

BACK TO POSTING WORK!

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Game

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You make everything a game
The mask your wearing
The love I'm hiding
The tears running down his face
But not today
I don't think I can hide it
Not when inside I want to turn away
The pain you caused
The fear you saw
The rain that everyday would fall
I don't want your lie anymore
It gameover
I'm with him now..
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No Words

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I'm sitting
Just sitting here
No words to say no emotions to scream
Just a blank canvas staring to space
An empty playing field
A cardless deck
My mind sits with me trying to resuscitate my heart
But nothing stirs within
My soul truely flattened
And i have no words to say
No words..

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