Jane Eyre 3

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On my knees I beg
Nothing left to my name I beg
Sweet baked scents sting my throat I beg
Tripping ripping ragged clothing I beg
Sloppy slurpy lukewarm leftovers I beg
Torturous hunger and starvation I beg
Slowly losing my sanity I beg
Reaching out to God I beg
Bleeding and blistering I beg
Crying to the skies I beg
Moaning his name I beg
Falling to the floor I beg
Needing more I beg
Finally dying I beg
The end…
I can’t beg
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Workity Work

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It's reached that time again when assignments are due in, every ones feeling the strain, time is limited and so on so forth. So I've reached this nocturnal state that kind of comes with working through the nights to get shit done.
So I'm sitting here, been awake an hour or two and its already dark outside, can't remember when I last ate, unless you're counting pro plus as a good meal in which case I've been having a regular 2 pill meal over the last few days, aaaaaaaaaaand... everything else is a bit of a blur.
So why do universities do this to us? mass deadlines, big levels of work? They say the suicide rate for students is shockingly high, so why offer such a big temptation? With the amount of sweet pro plus energy running through my veins.. hey you never know, I might get over excited and jump out the window or something! It's silly, more time, less deadlines please!
aaand that's enough procrastination from me
BACK TO WORK
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Still You

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I'm crawling in a hole
I'm dark and so secluded
Waiting for your call
You won't fix this
Maybe you don't need this
My heart has cracked in two
I'm relentless but I'm dying
My soul feels tied to you
This is ending
But not your ending
I can't feel you
Don't hide in the dark
I'm waiting
Always waiting
Please just call
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You

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Hold me I'm crying
I don't want to loose you
Somethings in the air
Somethings growing
Please hold me near
I miss you I need you
That smile is broken
I'll wait up
I'll pause.

Please don't let me down
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Lost Without You

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I'm spinning I'm falling
Downward I glide
The floor feels 1000 feet up
But downward I glide
Never stopping never pausing
My heart is in the air
Lost in my obsession
I'm gliding through the air
Down Down Down
You're pushing and I'm falling
Down Down Down
No stopping where I'm going
I'm going down
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Fail

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Some things really just don't make sense to me. Why the most destructive, wrong things linger in our minds for so damn long, yet all the important things just filter away as if they're nothing, just useless fragments we don't need. Then sometimes we know the important things, but the moment one of those destructive, wrong thoughts is punctured back into your mind, you just freeze up and forget.

I took an in class assessment today, I was so prepared and confident inside, maybe that was my downfall. Even when I saw my choice of questions I felt cockily smug. The extract I knew inside out, smug, smug, smug, right? It's just that point, that heart breaking point that you stumble across from time to time and your heart just drops. He fell. Septimus jumped from the window and fell down and was impaled on the rusty iron fencing, leaving just the dark thumping in his head. Reading this extract so many things in my head started falling, everything bad in life is a fall. Then I remembered it all and it was game over.

I wrote and wrote and wrote, I kind of fooled myself into thinking I had it all down, but inside it was my head going thump, thump, thump, completely blank and dark.

I guess we all have bad memories or demons that catch up with us at the worst possible moments, it's just another hurdle life's going to throw at us. Life's a bitch. These bad memories or thoughts ain't going to pass while they're still bad and fresh feeling in our minds, we've just got to wait for them to ease.

Then some demons, will just go on and on and on.
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Jane Eyre 2

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His names entwined in this traitorous web of emotions
Hidden and enclosed to my heart and memory
I close my eyes and turn to darkness and solitude
But my dreams are deceitful and his eyes pierce them
I hold back my sobs as dawn comes and his loving eyes fade
Dooming me to wonder heart chilled and controlled
Hiding the burning passions simmering within
Extinguishing the smouldering flame in my eye
And putting a stopper to the madness for which I long
My sense pleads that I drop this insane charade
But my heart swears allegiance to his kindness
Binds my need to the warmth in his words
And forever holds me to walk a fool’s fantasy across the halls
Night by night, dream by dream, fantasy by fantasy
I close this lock upon my thundering heart and leave it for him
Only to be unlocked for death or for miracle
That maybe one day his heart will beat the same tune
That maybe my master will love me too

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Here With You

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I'm fighting time, theres too much to say
I've prayed to God we'll last forever
spilling to the sun, embraced in icy moon
forever I'll stand and wait for you

Clinging tight, I'm breaking through
I'm stopping time just to speak to you
my caressing words, our lips embrace
and forever Ill exist for you

standing tall, I'm leaning out
feeling the wind run me through
I'm solitary but not alone
Inside I'm holding you

I'm fighting time, theres too much to do
I've prayed to God we'll love forever
spilling to our hearts, embraced in our truth
forever I'll stand right here with you

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Close my eyes

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I close my eyes and lay it to rest
the cold icey fields, our feet once caressed
the clear crisp sky, and cool sharp air
the taste and the feeling, of our last memory there

the passion and torture we once consumed
our heatfelt silent pact, for our friendship to bloom
the sickness and confusion, banished to dust
we'd dance through the night, welcoming the lust

careless and young our word stood true
but today I see nothing, the day's dawned a new
lost and to be hidden, something we can't undo
but happy I can stand, and remember those days with you

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truth

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spirits soar from homeland they come
twisting and wreathing they breathe and come
screaming in agony they fail to launch
reaching and hoping from beyond they come

hearts and daggers the only words
truer than life, truer than truth
spinning dangerously over the edge
clinging and weeping they come

pain is a bond stronger than love
forces are weakened for what has begun
sliding and slipping the ice is thin
but they cling on and soon they come

souls are splintered and never whole
they crave affection and they crave to hold
silent pleas and sanity unassured
spirits are crying and on they come

final conflict tears and wrecks
splinters are splintered at words regret
truth is spilt and a pact formed
truth was late and the end had come.
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Cut the strings

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Falling apart my body suffers

coldness reaches my soul and I feint

Destroyed and forgotten I slide and wait

But nothing will come and I cannot be saved

Some days I feel haunted

I remember all the things that were and they ride me

I am controlled and contorted by my creators

My friends and my loves who made me strong

now I am their puppet show

A smileless jester who lost her voice to moan

I will go where the strings take me

Play my part and then let go

Like a stage prop after the finale

I will burn..

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